Module 2: Relationships

“We are never in a relationship with a person or a thing, we are only ever in a relationship with our thoughts about a person or a thing.”

Boundaries
Boundaries are what we use to protect ourselves.
Unlike manuals (which are built to protect us emotionally or control other people due to an illusion created by the Beta Condition), boundaries are created to protect ourselves or our physical property.

Boundaries are not created to control the behavior of other people or to make us feel a certain way.
Boundaries are neutral and follow a simple algorithm.
A boundary says, “If you do X, then I will do Y.”
There is no emotional attachment in a boundary.
There is no emotional blackmail in a boundary.
There is no attempt to make someone else do something in a boundary.
A boundary is a simply cause and effect statement and the effect is always what you will do, not what you expect someone else to do.

The reason to create a boundary is to protect yourself physically.
Boundaries can be created before they have been violated and usually they are created after a first violation.
Many times, people create manuals that they think are boundaries.
Boundaries are a powerful way to build strong, healthy relationships.

Watch the video below for clarification of a boundary, how it differs from a manual, the reason why we create boundaries, a few examples of how boundaries work in our lives, and how and when to set up boundaries for the people in our lives.

https://vimeo.com/331501131/dc088aae67

Self-Study Assignment for Module 2, Day 5

In your notebook, continue to do a thought download every day this week and a model for two of the thoughts in your download.

In your notebook, answer the following questions:

What is a boundary?
What is a manual?
Write down the boundary algorithm.
Write down an example of a boundary.
Write down an example of a manual.
When would you want to create a boundary?
Why would you want to create a boundary?
How would you create a boundary?
What is the MOST IMPORTANT thing about a boundary?
Why is it sometimes difficult to enforce a boundary?
Are there any boundaries you want to create right now?
Has anyone violated any of your boundaries without them knowing it (because you didn’t vocalize it and they are unaware of it)?
If there are some boundaries you want to create, write them down EXACTLY how you would say them.
What do you think will be the result of vocalizing this/these boundaries?
If you have to enforce this/these boundaries, how will you manage your mind around the consequences?