Module 2: Relationships

“We are never in a relationship with a person or a thing, we are only ever in a relationship with our thoughts about a person or a thing.”

Manuals
A manual is a prescription we have for how we want other people to behave so that we can feel a certain way.
It is when we tie our emotion to the behavior of other people.

In the model other people’s behavior is in the C line and completely separate from our F line.
There is no causal relationship between the C line and the F line – that is the Beta Condition illusion.
If we want to feel love around our spouse or respect around our employees, it has nothing to do with their behavior and it has 100% to do with how we think about their behavior.

People act according to their own models – how they think and feel.
We have no control over their action, we have total control over how we think about their actions.
The manual is the illusion we are taught as children and carry over into adulthood.
The manual gives other people control over how we feel.
The good news is it is a lie.

Always refer back to the Universal Truth and The Model.
Manuals violate the Universal Truth and create unintentional results.
They damage relationships with other people and with ourselves.

Watch the video below for a demystification of the manual, the reason why we create manuals, a few examples of how manuals are at work in our lives, and how to get rid of manuals so that we can have amazing relationships.

https://vimeo.com/331496651/3673ecc1d1

Self-Study Assignment for Module 2, Day 4

In your notebook, continue to do a thought download every day this week and a model for two of the thoughts in your download.

In your notebook, write down the manuals you have for two people – someone close to you and yourself – and answer the questions:

Today you are going to write down your manual for two people; someone close to you and yourself.
Do one at a time and write EVERYTHING.

Choose a person and write down everything you want this person to do so you can feel the way you want to feel.
How do you want to feel with this person? Love? Confident? Respected? Happy?
Write down everything you want them to do so you can feel those emotions.
Don’t hold back, write everything down.
Imagine they were a programmable robot and you could program them to do everything you wanted them to, without having to ask.
Imagine they DID everything you wanted them to, without you asking.
Take as much time as you need and as much paper as you need.
Write it ALL down.

Now, what would be thinking if they did all those thing naturally?
Write that down, write those thoughts down.
Write down the thoughts you would have if this person did all the things you wanted them to without you ever asking them to do them.
Imagine they WANTED to do these things and they did them without you even mentioning it.
What would you think?
How would you feel?

Ok, my friend, here is the big leap: can you think those thought and feel that way WITHOUT them doing those things?
If you can, you’re well on your way to living in Alpha State – mastering your cognition by choosing your thoughts regardless and in spite of the circumstances.
If you have difficulty thinking those thoughts without this person doing those things, it’s ok – no worries.
Ask yourself, why not?
What is preventing you from thinking and feeling the way you choose to?
Why have you chosen to given them control over your thoughts and emotions?
How is that serving you, if it is serving you?
Just be curious.

Now move on to the manual you have for yourself.
What do you expect of yourself to make yourself feel good, self-love, happy, confident?
What do you need to do?
Why are you putting your actions BEFORE your emotions and thoughts in the model – why do you need to prove capacity before you choose cognition?
Can you think amazing things about yourself regardless of your behavior?
Where are you hard on yourself, where does beating yourself up show up in your life?
I’ll bet it has something to do with a manual you have for yourself.
Explore that.
Identify these rules you have for your own behavior.

Finally, can you let these rules go?
Why or why not? 
Don’t judge, don’t condemn.
Just be curious.