Module 2: Relationships

“We are never in a relationship with a person or a thing, we are only ever in a relationship with our thoughts about a person or a thing.”

Rejection
Rejection is a thought that creates fear and prevents you from acting.
It prevents you from showing up as your genuine self and, sometimes, it prevents you from showing up at all!
It is completely natural to fear thinking about being rejected – there is nothing wrong with you for having this fear.
We all learn it from the time we are born.
If our parents reject us as infants or children, it is likely we will die.
We learn at a very young age to watch the body language of our parents and how to ‘people please’ in order to receive their love and nurturing.
This behavior often follows us into adulthood.

Although the fear created by the thought of being rejected as a child is very real and necessary, having the same fear as an adult is no longer needed and completely erroneous.
This fear leads people towards manipulation, inauthentic behavior, and people pleasing.
And, it is all a lie – all an illusion.

Rejection is a thought.
It comes from our judgment of someone else’s behavior.
Their behavior goes in the C line.
The thought, “I was rejected, I am rejected, they rejected me” goes in the T line.

The actions of a person or a group is neutral.
They go in the C line of our Model.
It is a neutral phenomenon that has nothing to do with us.
Their action (their A line), comes from their thoughts (their T line).
It is 100% about them and 0% about us.
We can think about it however we want about their action.
We don’t have to think the thought, “I am rejected”, and feel the emotion of ‘rejection’.
Whether it’s a woman on a cold approach, a study group or co-workers, or going to a party alone or with your partner and you don’t know anyone there – you NEVER have to feel rejection again if you choose not to.

Watch the video below for more information on rejection and why we fear it as children, don’t have to fear it as adults, and what you can do to never fear being rejected again.

https://vimeo.com/331490981/da0a3d791b

Self-Study Assignment for Module 2, Day 3

In your notebook, continue to do a thought download every day this week and a model for two of the thoughts in your download.

In your notebook, do two models (a mock-model and an intentional model) on the last time you feared being rejected and answer the questions:

Take some time and try to remember a time you were afraid of rejection.
Just like yesterday, take the time you need to remember a time you were afraid of being yourself because of what other people would think.
You might not identify it as the fear of rejection – it might just feel like anxiety.
Often, the fear of rejection is called ‘social anxiety’.
Whether you feel it when dating, at work, in groups, or at parties, the emotion is always the same – it is the fear of someone or a group of people not accepting you.
Once you have a specific time you can remember feeling this way, you are ready to begin the exercise.

You are going to do two models.
The first will be a mock-model, the second will be your own model.
The mock-model is THE OTHER PERSONS model.
In their A line, write down EXACTLY what they did or said (or what you thought they would do or say).
This is what you would consider (or did consider at the time) to be ‘rejecting behavior’.
Now, fill in the rest of their model.
This is mock-model because you really don’t know how another people thinks or feels or even what circumstance they are responding to.
Try to remember the situation the best you can and be empathetic.
Pay attention to how you would be feeling and what you would be thinking for you to say or do what they did.
Finally, fill in their R line.
This is important because, based on what is in the A line, they created a result.
What did you put in their R line?
Take notice of their C line.
What do you remember the circumstance being that might have been a correlate to their thought (their T line)?
Did you say something or do something? Your actions, to them, are neutral (circumstances) just like their actions, to you, are neutral.
It has to be a fact, neutral, completely objective.
Notice how what they chose to think, which led to an emotion, that drove them to the action they took has NOTHING to do with you.
Whatever you put in their C line is neutral.

Now, take that mock-model and do a second model.
This one is yours.
In your C line, write down THE SAME THING THAT IS IN THE MOCK MODEL A LINE.
Now, fill in the rest of the model.

Your Beta Condition will write in the T line “I was rejected” and in the F line “Rejection”. Then fill in the rest of the model. How did you act and what the result of your action when you thought and felt this way?

Using your Alpha State and being able to CHOOSE any thought you want, what do you want to think about what they said or did?
Work the model backwards if it helps – what do you want your result to be?
What action do you need to take to get that result?
What emotion do you feel to act that way?
What thought do you need to have about the NEUTRAL circumstance?

Complete the model and refer back to it when you feel social anxiety and the fear of rejection.