RELATIONSHIPS

“We are never in a relationship with a person or a thing, we are only ever in a relationship with our thoughts about a person or a thing.”

https://vimeo.com/331526001/b8aa3d726c

The Three Thoughts in a Relationship
In every relationship, there are three thoughts; there is the thoughts you have about yourself in the relationship, the thoughts you have about the other person in the relationship, and the thoughts you have about the relationship itself.

https://vimeo.com/331490981/da0a3d791b

Rejection
Rejection is a thought.
It comes from our judgment of someone else’s behavior.
Their behavior goes in the C line.
The actions of a person or a group is neutral.
Whether it’s a woman on a cold approach, a study group of co-workers, or going to a party alone or with your partner and you don’t know anyone there – you NEVER have to believe you’ve been rejection again!

https://vimeo.com/331496651/3673ecc1d1

Manuals
A manual is a prescription we have for how we want other people to behave so that we can feel a certain way.
It is when we tie our emotion to the behavior of other people.
In the model other people’s behavior is in the C line and completely separate from our F line.
There is no causal relationship between the C line and the F line – that is the Beta Condition illusion.

https://vimeo.com/331501131/dc088aae67

Boundaries
Boundaries are what we use to protect ourselves.
Boundaries are not created to control the behavior of other people or to make us feel a certain way.
Boundaries are neutral and follow a simple algorithm.
A boundary says, “If you do X, then I will do Y.”
There is no emotional attachment in a boundary.
There is no emotional blackmail in a boundary.
There is no attempt to make someone else do something in a boundary.
A boundary is a simply cause and effect statement and the effect is always what you will do, not what you expect someone else to do.