Alpha Relationships Course – Relationships With Other People

RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHER PEOPLE

WHAT ARE RELATIONSHIPS?

Humans are often very confused about how relationships work. We’re under the impression that we have to control the world (and everyone in it) to feel good. We have so many rules for our relationships that we’ve stopped experiencing them and are locked into our expectations of how these relationships should be.

Remember, relationships are thoughts!

You are never in a relationship with a person or a thing, you are only ever in a relationship with your thoughts about a person or a thing.

Your relationship with anyone is dependent on the thoughts you choose to think about yourself in the relationships, the other person in the relationship, and the relationship itself.

THE TRINITY OF RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHER PEOPLE

In every relationship with another cellular being, there will be a TRINITY of thoughts. I call it a trinity because there are three thoughts happening about one entity – the relationship.

First, there are the thoughts you have about yourself in the relationship.

Second, there are the thoughts you have about the other person in the relationship.

Finally, there are the thoughts you have about the relationship itself.

Together, these thoughts make up ONE THOUGHT, which determines the relationship as a WHOLE.

It can be a romantic relationship, a family relationship, a friendly relationship, a work relationship, an acquaintance, and even a stranger. It could be with your mailman, co-worker, or homeless guy standing on the corner with a sign. There is ALWAYS a trinity of thoughts in EVERY relationship.

YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF (IN RELATIONSHIPS)

The first relationship in the trinity of relationships is the one you bring with you to the relationship. This is all the thoughts you have about yourself. In Alpha Relationships, it’s important that you cultivate this relationship before entering into a partnership with another person. This is the relationship you ALWAYS have, no matter what happens in a relationship with another person.

The thoughts you have about yourself in a relationship are two; your self and your role. The former won’t change, the latter may or may not.

The thoughts you have about your self in the relationship are the thoughts you choose to have about who you are. This is discussed in another segment of the Alpha Relationships Course – What Are Relationship? The thoughts you have about your role in the relationship may or may not change, depending on how the relationship may or may not change. For example, the thought that you are strong, capable, and worthy will NEVER change, no matter what happens. The thoughts you have about your role in the relationship – I am the husband, boyfriend, employee, boss, etc. – these can be subject to change based on how you evolve through life.

Consider it this way: the thoughts you have about your self are immutable and unconditional, while the thoughts you have about your role are mutable and conditional.

Often times, when we are not in our Alpha State, we neglect our thoughts about the self and become attached to our thoughts about the role. This isn’t a healthy place to be and will lead to Manuals and Emotional Manipulation (which I explain in another segment of this Course). If our thoughts degrade further and we abdicate all power over to the other person, we end up in the Gamma Trap (which I explain in another segment of this Course).

When we maintain our Alpha State and demonstrate as Alpha Men (and Women), the thoughts we choose about the Self NEVER change and the thoughts we have about the role we choose in the relationship are conditional and subject to change when we choose to change the relationship.

YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHER PEOPLE (IN RELATIONSHIPS)

The second part of the trinity of relationships is the thoughts you have about the other person. Like the thoughts you have about your self in the relationship, the thoughts you have about the other person is twofold; your thoughts about the person and your thoughts about their role.

The thoughts you have about the other person in the relationship are the thoughts you choose to have about who you are. (This is discussed further below in this segment.) The thoughts you have about their role in the relationship may or may not change, depending on how the relationship may or may not change. For example, the thought that they are worthy, lovable, amazing, and perfect will NEVER change, no matter what happens. The thoughts you have about their role in the relationship – they are the wife, girlfriend, employee, boss, etc. – these can be subject to change based on how you evolve through life.

Consider it this way: the thoughts you have about the other person are immutable and unconditional, while the thoughts you have about their role are mutable and conditional.

I want you to remember that other people are a circumstance. Everything they say and do is neutral. Other people are good and bad, likable and dislikable, capable of the most horrible atrocities and the greatest levels of compassion. The full range of behavior is within each human being. Human’s are capable of anything, literally anything they can think of. Volition allows for an infinite possibility of action from any human at any time.

What we choose to see in people is the relationships we form with them. The more we get ‘to know’ someone, the more we add to the story we tell ourselves about who we think they are. We look for evidence to support the story we tell ourselves about them and when something ‘goes wrong’ in the relationships, it’s when they behave in a way that is different than the story we tell ourselves about who they are.

I want you guys to really understand this Alpha Tenet:

We are never in a relationship with a person or a thing, we are only ever in a relationship with our thoughts about a person or a thing.

It’s true – the other person has NOTHING TO DO WITH THE RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE WITH THEM. You NEVER have to change or fix another person to change the relationship you have with them. You couldn’t do that even if you wanted to (which is why trying to control, fix, or change other people creates so much conflict)! The best news is that you DO HAVE 100% control over what you CAN DO to change the relationship you have with them.

Review the segments on The Manual and Unconditional Love.

Reflect on whether you’re showing up with love for other people or not. When you create Unconditional Love for yourself, the more you express that love for other people, the more you’ll show up as more of who you are, and the more value you will create.

Creating amazing relationships starts with deep connection and love for other people.

ASK YOURSELF:
? What do you think about other people?
? In what ways do you want your other people to be different?
? How do you want to show up around other people?
? What difference do you think it will make to show up in this way?
? How would you describe a difficult person? What do they do or not do?
? What if that behavior didn’t get labeled as a ‘difficult person’, in what simply neutral behavior/action? How would this change how you show up?

YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE RELATIONSHIP (IN RELATIONSHIPS)

The third part of the trinity of relationships is the thoughts you have about the relationship itself. There are no other humans in this part of the trinity of relationships, so this is where your thoughts are 100% mutable and conditional.

Your thoughts about the relationship are conditional and changeable based on three things: your purpose, the support you receive and give to the other person, and the wants you have in the relationship and how they match with the other person. Remember, this is true for ALL relationships – not just romantic relationships.

Your purpose is a choice you make for how you want to live, what you want to do, and who you want to be in this Life. This is all up to you – there is nothing outside of you that determines your purpose – only YOU DO. You can choose to change your purpose at any time. When you choose to change your purpose, you may choose to change your thoughts about the relationship. You are always conditionally committed to the relationship based on what you choose as your purpose (more on Commitment in another segment of this Course).

The support you receive from and give to the other person is another part of the conditional thoughts about the relationship. Your purpose is only half the equation. The other half is the purpose of the other person in the relationship. How you show up to support the other person and how they show up to support you will depend on

THE MATRIX

When you take a look at the Model of Alignment, what you will see is a vertical framework for ‘seeing’ the Universal Truth.

Since circumstances are neutral and include other people for you (and YOU for OTHER PEOPLE), the Model when in a relationship with one person looks something like this:

YOU THEM
T <——- C ———– A
F R
A ——— C ———> T
R F
T <——- C ———– A
F R
A ——— C ———> T
R F
T <——- C ———– A
F R
A ——— C ———> T
R F

This Model will continue and each Model is a snapshot of each moment as it passes.

You see or hear someone (this is their action). It passes through the C (circumstance) and reaches your T (thought). Then you demonstrate your Model. When you demonstrate your A line – it passes through the C (circumstance) for the other person and reaches their T (thought).

When there is more than two people, it gets more complex and begins to look like the Matrix.

PERSON 1 YOU PERSON 2
T <——- C ———– A ——— C ———> T
F R F
A ——— C ———> T <——- C ———– A
R F R
T <——- C ———– A ——— C ———> T
F R F
A ——— C ———> T <——- C ———– A
R F R
T <——- C ———– A ——— C ———> T
F R F

The most important thing to know is that YOUR THOUGHTS are NOT DEPENDENT on ANYTHING. You are completely in control of what you choose to think, which is the only thing that will determine your relationships with people and things. Other people are not responsible for the relationship you have with them.

YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHER THINGS
(MONEY & TIME)

Money is a…

Circumstance!

You’re not is a relationship with money, you’re in a relationship with your thoughts about money.

The way you think about money is what will determine how much you have. Many of our current money beliefs are learned in school or by accepting our parents’ belief systems. Like with all other beliefs, I want you to see the benefit of exploring and questioning current money belief systems, in order to develop the exact money relationship you want to have on purpose.

If you don’t feel good about money and if you don’t feel like you have as much of it as you would like, you can challenge all your thoughts about it.

Most people believe they’re limited in how they can earn money, and that it’s only earned over time and by effort, but the real way you create wealth is by creating value.

If you believe that money comes from time and effort, you’re going to be sitting there with your hand out, waiting to get paid. You’ll want to get paid the most you can for the least amount of time and effort, but that will backfire. People who over-deliver always get it back ten times over, not only in their self esteem and in their self confidence, but in their willingness to receive. When you’ve given such quality to the world, you’re open to receiving all the gifts, and all the abundance the world has to offer. When you’re constantly living from a place of scarcity, trying to get paid for every single thing you do, you stop creating value. You’re just doing your time and getting your paycheck, and you’re never going to blow your own mind in terms of money—ever.

Money is actually very easy when you clean up your beliefs about it. When you allow yourself to imagine breaking out of the time and effort money prison, you’ll open yourself up to so much more possibility. Most of us think we get paid for our time, which has a limit, and think there’s a maximum amount we can make based on our education.

ASK YOURSELF:
? What do you believe about money?
? Why do you have the amount of money you have right now?
? What are your thoughts about making more money?
? What is the maximum amount that you believe you can make? Why?
? Is it based on your thoughts about your time? Your education?

Listen to the way your think about money. Notice if you have any thoughts like the one’s below. Notice how your thoughts create your current relationship with money.

? I don’t have enough time to make money.
? Money is hard.
? Money is scarce.
? People don’t want to pay me for what I have to offer.
? I’m never going to have enough money.
? I don’t have the right education.
? I don’t know how to create value.
? I don’t know how to make money.

Now that you have a better idea on your money beliefs, ASK YOURSELF:
? Are these the thoughts you want to be having on purpose?
? What do you want your thoughts to be?