What Is Commitment?

RELATIONSHIPS ARE THOUGHTS

Relationships are thoughts.

You are never in a relationship with a person or a thing, you are only ever in a relationship with your thoughts about a person or a thing.

Your relationship with anyone, including the one that they have with yourself, and the relationship they have with other people, your past, and your money are dependent on the thoughts you choose to think.

I am really going to remind you of this in EVERY SEGMENT OF THIS COURSE.

When you choose to enter into a committed relationship, there are now three (3) thoughts that run simultaneously during the commitment. Taking a relationship to the level of commitment requires you to be aware of these three thoughts and determine, with intention, how you want them to guide you into your future with this person.

THE THREE THOUGHTS OF A RELATIONSHIP

In every relationship with another cellular being, there will be a TRINITY of thoughts. I call it a trinity because there are three thoughts happening about one entity – the relationship.

First, there are the thoughts you have about yourself in the relationship.

Second, there are the thoughts you have about the other person in the relationship.

Finally, there are the thoughts you have about the relationship itself.

Together, these thoughts make up ONE THOUGHT, which determines the relationship as a WHOLE.

(For more information on these three thoughts, see the segment on RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHER PEOPLE.)

This segment if on commitment in a romantic partnership, so I am going to talk specifically about these types of relationships and the commitments we make to the three thoughts in the relationship.

COMMITMENT TO AND LOVE OF YOURSELF IN RELATIONSHIP

The first of three thoughts in the relationship are the thoughts you have about yourself. This is the first of the three because these are the thoughts that you bring into the relationship and the ones that you take out of the relationship. The are with you BEFORE and AFTER the time you spend with this other person whom you choose to commit to in a relationship.

These thoughts are both general and specific. The general thoughts are the commitments you make to yourself and the unconditional love you have for yourself. (See the segment on Unconditional Love for further information on this concept.)

Specific thoughts are specific to the relationship; I am the husband, I am the boyfriend, I am the brother, I am the son. These are dependent on the type of relationship you are in with the other person. For romantic relationships, they can be even more specific; I am the provider, I am the protector, I am the caretaker, etc. There is no limit to the type of specific thoughts you can have about yourself in the relationship. It all depends on how you think about yourself and your role in the relationship.

The general thoughts are the KEY to understanding commitment. In general, you want to ALWAYS be committed to yourself IN ALL relationships. Your commitment to yourself, like the love you have for yourself, is unconditional and immutable. You are committed to loving yourself unconditionally. In this way, you never compromise on your boundaries and you never capitulate on your principles for the sake of the relationship. You are willing to complete the relationship before you betray yourself.

In the thoughts you have about yourself in all relationships, you are primary – you must follow your path and live your purpose FIRST. This is attract to you the abundance and amazingness of the Universe.

COMMITMENT TO AND LOVE OF THE OTHER PERSON IN RELATIONSHIP

The second of three thoughts in the relationship are the thoughts you have about the other person. This is the second of the three because these are the thoughts that you create when you meet this person and the ones that you take out of the relationship. The are with you DURING and AFTER the time you spend with this other person whom you choose to commit to in a relationship, however they do not exist BEFORE.

These thoughts are both general and specific. The general thoughts are the commitments you make to other human beings as being a part of the great movement of Life and the unconditional love you have for all Life. (See the segment on Unconditional Love for further information on this concept.)

Specific thoughts are specific to the relationship; she is the wife, she is the girlfriend, she is the sister, she is the mother. These are dependent on the type of relationship you are in with the other person. For romantic relationships, they can be even more specific; she is nester, she is the organizer, she is the caretaker, etc. There is no limit to the type of specific thoughts you can have about the other person in the relationship. It all depends on how you think about them and their role in the relationship.

The general thoughts are the KEY to understanding commitment. In general, you want to be committed to knowing that the other person is a human being, like yourself, complete, worthy, and lovable. Your commitment to them in this way, like the love you have for other people, is unconditional and immutable. You are committed to loving this person unconditionally. In this way, nothing they ever do or say will prevent you from being able to choose love as a response. You are ALWAYS in control of how you choose to think and feel around this person and love is always an option when you practice this philosophy.

In the thoughts you have about other people in all relationships, they are secondary – you must follow your path and live your purpose FIRST. This is attract to you the abundance and amazingness of the Universe.

COMMITMENT TO THE RELATIONSHIP

The third of three thoughts in the relationship are the thoughts you have about the relationship itself. This is the third of the three because these are the thoughts that you create during the time you are in the relationship and the one you let go of when the relationship is complete. They are with you DURING the time you spend with this other person whom you choose to commit to in a relationship, however they do not exist before or after the relationship.

These thoughts are SPECIFIC ONLY and have to do with BOUNDARIES and WANT MATCHES. (See the segment on BOUNDARIES for more information on that concept.)

Specific thoughts that are specific to the relationship itself can be broad (we are married or we are family). However, these thoughts are more or less benign in the forming of a partnership. They tend to be closer to facts than desires or wants.

The boundaries you set and the want matches you have in a relationship will determine the function of the partnership. The commitment you make to any relationship in these thoughts are 100% conditional on the boundaries and the want matches. Since boundaries can be violated and want matches can change, there is no unconditional commitment to any relationship. I have seen men remain married to women when one or both of them have changed their desires or when deal-breaker boundaries have been violated – solely because of some ‘vows’ (words that were said at some time in some place that have long been forgotten).

Understand me, I am not against marriage. I am only offering that any relationship is dependent on the functionality of the boundary maintenance and want match agreements. If these things change, which they often do, then the commitment to the relationship MUST change as well.

The commitment you make to a relationship is the commitment you make to the growth and building of a partnership. This is why boundaries and want matches are so important. As long as you know you boundaries and they aren’t being violated and you know what your desires are in the relationship and the other person shares these desires – the relationship will be amazing and the commitment will be easy.

In the thoughts you have about the relationship itself, you are primary – you must follow your path and live your purpose FIRST. This is attract to you the abundance and amazingness of the Universe.

WANT MATCHES

A want match is a pre-determined desire, want, or need that you’ve decided is important in your life and will be a deal-breaker in a relationship. You MUST determine your wants in a relationship ahead of time so you know what it is that you’re looking for and find the person who shares your wants (so that you have a ‘want match’.)

I gave you an example of a want match in the segment on SEEKING & DATING, but for the sake of this segment I will repeat it here.

Let’s say you are a man who enjoys sex and wants it in your life. Now, the first thing for you to do is to know that you want sexual intimacy with your partner for no other reason than that you want it. If you are using sex to fill a void in yourself, to feel loved, or otherwise externally validated – then we have some work to do cognitively. However, if you are clean in your desire for sex, then decide how often you want to make love with your partner. For the sake of example, let’s say you want to have sex 3-4 times a week.

Now, is this a deal-breaker for you relationship? If your partner doesn’t want to have sex 3-4 times a week, would you be ok with that? Would you be ok with 1-2 times a week? Or once a week? Or twice a month? Let’s say she really isn’t that sexually driven and only wants to have sex once a week – that is enough for her. Here is where things get tricky…

You can try to compromise with yourself and say, “I can go with once a week, that will be fine.” However, what if she doesn’t want to have sex this week? It’s just not something that’s on her radar, she isn’t thinking about sex or desiring it as often as you are. What if a week goes by and then another – she’s tired or has a headache? Then you two decide to ‘put it on the schedule’, like a date night. But, after some time, it turns into more of the same – tiredness and headaches. Eventually, you end not getting what you desire and you feel trapped or stuck in the relationship – because you compromised.

If you have a desire that is a deal-breaker – like sex or kids or vacations or income or whatever – then you have to make sure these desires are matched with the partner you choose to commit to. It’s not about changing them to make them into who you want, it’s about finding the person who is already what you want. You have to be willing to complete the relationship if want matches change or don’t match in the beginning (see the segment on SEEKING & DATING to determine if want matches exist in the beginning).

WORKSHEETS

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